Local Church Teamwork is essential to the sanctification of Christians. We know churches are good and bad at addressing specific cultural topics. Usually, teachers and pastors of local Evangelical churches are the ones who guide the local Church culture.
We are all growing and learning.
I don't believe Church leaders have bad intentions. Still, I am learning that most church leaders do not know how to give helpful advice to Christians struggling with homosexuality, and local Churches are expecting Church leaders to know the answers to this topic. So let's start with what Church leaders shouldn't say to Christians struggling with homosexuality.
Here are some pointers
1. Don't tell them to pursue a life of celibacy.
Celibacy is a lifestyle the Holy Spirit gives someone for the gospel's sake for the local church. As Wesley Hill Beautifully Wrote:
"I suggested that celibacy is an important reminder that love isn't reducible to what we do in bed or over a candlelit table for two. It is a reminder that love exceeds the boundaries of the nuclear family. Celibacy is not about a heroic feat of willpower. It's about giving up one way of expressing love to be able to love widely, profligately, and indiscriminately. It's about foregoing a spouse in order to love a community. It's about giving up the possibility of children in order to become a spiritual father or mother in the family called "church." It's about being a little less entangled in the life of the world in order to be a little more free to celebrate the coming kingdom of God, in which none of us will be married and all of us will be spiritual friends with everyone else in the new creation that God will usher in. In the words of Ronald Rolheiser, "Celibacy, if properly lived, can be an important way to keep alive, visible and in the flesh, that part of the incarnation which tells us that when one is speaking of love, the human heart is the central organ."
Many Christians misunderstand the life of a Christian Celibate and mix it up with the command to abstain from sex before marriage. Telling Christians who struggle with homosexuality they need to pursue a life of celibacy is putting a calling on them they may not be called to. However, they must be encouraged to seek righteousness and healthy intimacy within the Church community (The 4TS). So, Pastors, you don't need to tell Christians who struggle with homosexuality they are called to celibacy. You do need to encourage them in their decision to abstain from sex, but don't focus on that as much as concentrating on encouraging your church to love each other intimately. Encourage them to live together, like celebrating holidays together, living together as roommates (singles with married folks and kids), having dinners together, vacations together, giving each other hugs and kisses like the apostle Paul told his churches, etc. Basically, the 4TS. Don't put the calling of celibacy on them. That is not your call.
2. Don't tell them to go to God for their needs.
Jesus established his Church on Earth to be the primary means by which the Holy Spirit will fulfill the Father's will on Earth. The Church is God's hands and feet. It is the light of the world! It is the Salt of Earth. It brings the flavor. When Christians who struggle with homosexuality are told to go to "God," what is really happening is an experience of being banished to an emotional, spiritual, and physical place of isolation. If God didn't find it suitable for Adam to be alone with him, why should the church send people to "God" to be alone? We misunderstand the church's importance if we send people to "God" to get their needs met. The church is the hands and feet of God. Let's do what hands and feet do. We can TOUCH people with long hugs, give affectionate kisses like soccer players give each other, make dinner with them, share beds with each other, and lay in each other's bosoms like Jesus did with his disciples.
We can give them the 4TS.
3. Don't tell them, "I hope you can get married one day."
God doesn't seem to prioritize marriage in the New Covenant any more, like in the Old Covenant. God stressed family in the Old Covenant because that was how he would show the world who he was. So the Old Testament (the Jewish narrative of how God was using them) illustrates how God wanted to use Israel to be a light to the world. Still, they failed, so Jesus came into the picture. With Jesus came a New Covenant, and now God uses the church as a light, not the Jewish family. The church is the family, and this family is made up of married and single people. And I agree that the Apostle Paul thought single people could do more for God's Kingdom. So maybe you should say, "I hope we can walk alongside you as you fulfill the great commission in our local church." Marriage doesn't magically meet all the needs of a Christian who struggles with homosexuality. But it can help a person just like a strong church family and friends can.
4. Don't tell them, "I hope God makes you straight into a heterosexual."
Straight people are screwed up too. Why would we want to be straight? Heterosexuals and homosexuals are both screwed up. Let's not elevate one screwed-up people group over the other. I hope you say, "Let's pursue holiness together. Married, single, let's hope we can all pursue a holy, godly life together in whatever context you are in."
5. Don't tell them they cannot be in ministry!
They belong to ministry! They need to be in ministry! They belong to children ministries, middle school ministries, and High School Ministries. Men's Ministries, Women Ministries. Christians who struggle with homosexuality are not child molesters. Most straight guys I see in ministry worry me because they teach their male students wrong views of masculinity that screw up their lives. In general, I think local churches need to rethink what masculinity is for their church culture and community. But Christians who struggle with homosexuality are biblically not banned from ministry. If anything, a church that does this will harm them in massive ways far worse than struggling with homosexuality. Because what you are saying is their sin is worse than others. Why is an alcoholic or drug addict who is sober allowed to work with children? But those that struggle with this are not allowed? Let's not put sins against sins. Obviously, we need to watch anyone who works with kids. Still, those that struggle with homosexuality are completely fine working in Children's ministry.
6. Lastly, don't tell those that struggle with homosexuality to stay away from men they are attracted to, male locker rooms, male dorms, etc.
Men who struggle with homosexuality belong to male friendships (whether they are attracted to them or not) and male areas such as locker rooms, Bible studies, skinny dipping with the bros, and any context in which healthy male nudity takes place. You should encourage them to see men the right godly way. They must be told to let the Holy Spirit sanctify their views of men. Not to run away from them. That doesn't help anyone. That isn't dealing with our sin or waging war against it as the apostle Paul encourages Christians.
We can address many more topics regarding church leaders counseling fellow teammates struggling with homosexuality. However, these were the few that I thought were prevalent experiences that many who struggle with homosexuality often hear from their church leaders.
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