This year is the year of weddings for me. If you attend a Christian University, the chances of attending multiple weddings after graduating are high.
During my undergrad years at Biola, I had a chaotic falling out with some friends, which came down to the discussion of friendships and marriage within the Church.
Because the community I was a part of valued marriage as the ultimate form of intimacy between humans, I experienced myself being placed on the back burner of the lives of my friends. I was fighting for a place to be loved intimately. My friends simultaneously were indirectly putting me in a position to be isolated. I wasn't equal regarding my present Christian sexual vocation. If being "single" is a vocation, it is treated as a life that has to revolve around the vocation of marriage.
To some extent, this is taking place in the present Evangelical Church. Marriage runs the show. Celibacy or singleness (there is a difference between the two) has to follow. It isn't a TEAM effort. It isn't community. It is a dictatorship, with marriage being the dictator.
So, I decided for a couple of years I didn't want to go to any weddings because there wasn't any reason to celebrate something I saw that was harming the Church and hurting me.
But this year was different. I wanted to celebrate and affirm the marriages I knew were taking place. I may disagree with all my friends' views regarding marriage, illustrating Jesus's love for the Church. Still, it is enough for me to see the Holy Spirit working in the lives of Christians getting married and understanding community is essential to their marriage and that they need to include single people in their life.
And in both weddings I attended, I was loved by my friends in an effortless but profound way.
When my friends Kolby and Bethany married, it was a great week! A lot of fun activities with friends and family took place. A trip to the lake, lots of spikeball, BBQs, wiffle ball, dinners, etc. Seeing so many friends and family reign down blessings and surround Kolby and Bethany as they entered a calling to live a covenantal relationship with each other was beautiful.
That week was a tough emotional week for me for various reasons, one being my homo erotic desires skyrocketed on a day when I was with Kolby's guy friends for the day. I was grateful I could text 15 guys, processing with them what was happening in my heart and mind.
That is Community.
The wedding was very simple, eloquent, and beautiful.
But when we were dancing, a significant moment took place for me that I know Kolby intentionally led.
As we were having a great time dancing, the DJ decided to put on a "couple song" and said, "This is for all the couples out there that want to dance together." I stepped to the side, not bothered by this because I saw a lot of older married folks that had the chance to dance together. Then I saw Kolby tell Bethany something, and then she walked towards me and asked me to dance with her.
How cool is that?
The time when the Bride and Groom could be dancing together with everyone, the Bride danced with me.
The Groom ensured people were being cared for at his wedding. Especially the single folks. He expected his Bride to meet others where they were, and she did. She danced with me.
Sort of like Jesus expects his Bride to love others on earth. Jesus has every right to go on his "honeymoon," Instead, he wants the Bride, his Church, to love others before the great day of his return.
I hope the Married Church knows they have so much time to give to the lost, even the gays or Christians struggling with homosexuality.
This little dance session with my friend's Bride meant a lot. I don't know if they knew how important this was to me or how profound it was, but it meant a lot.
Here is the beautiful couple with me in the middle.
Love these people and boy am I short in this pic.
I'm sure there will be future hurts that both my newly married friend couples will do to me, and hurts I may cause them. We may even have theological disagreements about Marriage which we already do, but one thing is for sure, they know how much love I need from them and how much love they need from me.
They know I need TOUCH.
They know I need TIME (especially time)
They know I need Transparency (emotionally, spiritual, and physical Transparency, Korean spas)
They know I need Teamwork (community)
I need the 4T's.
They know they need the 4T's as well.
Day by day, I have more hope the Church is changing and understands Marriage has more potential than what it is accomplishing now. Marriage can show the world how Jesus loves the Church.
It can be a simple dance or a simple kiss that turns the heart of a sinner to the grace and justice of Jesus.
It can be a simple dance or kiss that turns the hurt Christian struggling with homosexuality to the Church.
It can be a simple dance or kiss that proves to gays that Marriage isn't the most intimate relationship a human can have.
It can be a simple dance or kiss that proves friendship is deep, meaningful, and intimate.
It can be a simple dance or kiss, showing others we love them the way Christ loves the Church.