When I was a teenager, I didn't have trustworthy pastors to talk to about my lust for the same sex. I didn't speak to my parents, and I didn't talk to my pastors. I went to a Hispanic church, which barely has good Biblical education, and I knew they wouldn't know how to handle my struggle.
Because of God's grace, I understood who I was as a young teenager and had enough grace to know I was a sinner like anyone else. But I feared that if I told someone, they would treat me differently and feel uncomfortable around me. Whether people knew I struggled with Homosexuality or not, knowing I didn't tell anyone gave me comfort in my world. Not until I was 17 did I tell someone about my struggle, and it wasn't a pastor.
But that isn't how most teenagers live now, especially with the LGBTQ+ community being more vocal about accepting that lust as good, and to be in relationships with the same sex as something that you should pursue.
Teenagers can be confused or caught in this tension.
Should they accept this belief or "fight it" for the rest of their lives?
So what should Youth Pastors do when students share this part of their life with them?
Well, here are a couple of pointers.
1. Give them a hug!
What they just told you is a huge deal, and it took bravery on their end. This is a great time to draw close to them. Please don't buy into the idea becoming closer to your students as they express this to you can cause them to stumble. They need a long hug where they can find a shoulder to cry on or feel some safety in this chaotic world.
2. Right away, get it out of your head; they constantly lust after the same sex.
Being attracted to and lusting for the same sex is not the same as what heterosexuals deal with. Instead, tell yourself that your student is looking for healthy intimacy and that you and others can give that to them. If they confess this to you, they have longed for an affirmed intimacy between them and others. When they keep this hidden, they are hiding their hearts from truly being loved as a sinner and child of God in need of HIS grace. Now they can be fully loved in all areas of their life since someone knows more about their fallen nature.
3. Understand that being attracted to the same sex is different than lusting.
We are always going to be attracted to beautiful things. It is not wrong to find males and females attractive. It is wrong, however, to start fantasizing about who you want to have sex with, especially if they are not your spouse. This is where the Church can do some actual harm. We can't change what we are attracted to, especially if it is good. We must embrace our attraction and understand what it means and how we can glorify God. Since I find men beautiful, especially my male friends, I have learned to pursue deep friendships with them and point them to Christ. Teach your students the same thing. Yes, they might be attracted to their friends. Still, suppose they believe that pursuing homosexual relationships is ungodly. In that case, they need to know that seeking Friendship is godly, and they will need help doing that. This is where the 4 T's come in.
4. Understand they need TOUCH, Transparency, TIME, and TEAMWORK (all forms of intimacy)
These 4 Ts are what every human needs. They are more heightened in the life of someone who struggles with Homosexuality because they most likely haven't given themselves the space to be loved in these deep, profound, healthy, Godly ways. They are starving, and they need food. But don't give it all at once to them. Process with them what it means to experience healthy intimacy with friends. Just like a starving person can't eat a bunch of food right away, a person in need of Friendship needs to take it slow. They can shatter their friendships if they don't handle them well. Remember, they are male and female. They are allowed to be in the settings of their peers. Just because they deal with attraction towards the same sex doesn't mean they will start hitting on everyone. Remember, they have been dealing with this for years before you came into the picture. They can still deal with it now and keep boundaries in their life.
5. Don't ever be afraid of them, and be confident that you can love them.
You are a Pastor. There is a reason you are in their life. They have shared this with you. Keep their trust. They will cling to you, want to talk to you a lot, cry, feel pain, and go up and down emotionally. You must be consistent in their life and help them learn to walk in the Spirit. Draw close to them and remind them that what they are longing for (deep intimacy with their same-sex friends) is healthy and godly, and the CHURCH is the BEST place to receive that.
Honestly, helping someone and loving someone who struggles with Homosexuality isn't that difficult.
The Gay community, the world, and even Satan are making this difficult.
Satan wants us to think this is extremely complex. When really, it is just different.
You can do this, Pastor! I have faith in you! You are part of the Body of Jesus.
Next time a student tells you they are gay or whatever language they use,
hug them, look into their eyes, and say,
"Don't worry, bud. We are going to walk through this together. We will take care of you."
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