During the time I lived in the Biola dorms, I was in an extreme pursuit of learning as much as I could about the subculture of the Christian life and its views concerning homosexuality. Not just at Biola but at the various churches I would attend and the many pastors I had conversations with concerning homosexuality.
To my surprise, many Christians didn't understand what it meant to be attracted to the same sex.
I was a Christian who believed sexual acts between the same sex were sinful and lived in a loving community of Christians. Many of my close friends, professors, and pastors didn't understand what was happening in my mind and the lives of hundreds of other Christians who struggle with this. They had an idea that anyone who is attracted to the same sex wanted to see everyone they are attracted to naked, give them a blowjob, or do something lustful. And I can assure you, that is not the case.
I hope I can adequately help you understand what it means to be attracted to the same sex as a Christian who believes homosexuality is not a part of God's creativity for sex and friendship. I want to clarify any wrong ideas and affirm any correct beliefs Christians may have concerning the type of attraction those of us in the Church have towards the same sex.
First, those of us who are attracted to the same sex don't want to see everyone naked. We don't want to have sex with everyone and are not lusting after every person we are attracted to. We simply find the same sex attractive. We can see beauty in the same sex. I'm sure most men can identify what men are attractive (Chris Pratt, Brad Pitt, David Beckham, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Matt Damon, Eddie Redmayne, Scott Eastwood, David Clark thinks Jimmy Garopollo is) and who is not. In today's culture, it is acceptable for women to acknowledge who is "hot," whether they are gay or not. But for men, it's not the same. Men will not talk about what men are "hot" because they don't want to be associated with something they are not, gay, as if gay men are the only men who can identify which men are attractive. Since I admire athleticism, I find soccer players and clean-cut guys with blonde hair and blue eyes with a six-pack attractive. I think the ancient Greeks and I had the same idea of an attractive man. The male and female body is a beautiful work of art. I'm sure God is attracted to both of them. We should dive more into the goodness and beauty of being attracted to another human and learn how to discipline our minds that want more than what is given. There is a big difference between same-sex attraction and same-sex lust. One is good the other is sinful.
Second, because we are sinful and for many other psychological reasons, we want to experience sexual pleasure with the same sex; this is lust, sin, and fallenness. I admit it, I want to have sex with the same sex, especially soccer players. And why not have that with someone you are attracted to? But there is a lot more to talk about when it comes to the beauty of the human body and what it means that we are attracted to it. I cover this topic a lot more in upcoming blogs.
Third, being attracted to someone and lusting after someone are two completely different states of mind. I cannot choose who I am attracted to (I believe this occurs because of many psychological conditions within one's life). It just happens. I just identify who I think is attractive based on a simple view of another person. Now, those in the gay community say they are "born this way." I wish they could be more accurate by explaining the difference between being attracted to someone and wanting to have sex with someone they are attracted to. (I will address this again)
Fourth, I believe a biblical understanding of lust has to do with wanting something that is against the boundaries of God's plan for his creation. Lucifer allowed lust to come into his heart when he tried to be higher than God, and Adam and Eve allowed lust to come into their being when they ate the forbidden fruit. We sexually lust after humans when we fantasize about having sex with each other if it is outside the boundaries of marriage. The desire to have sex with another human and connect on this level is not evil. It's how we think about it and implement it outside God's ordained order, then it becomes wrong.
When the gay community states, "God made us this way," they believe their attraction and desire to have sex/relationship with the same sex is something they do not choose; it's natural.
I agree with this, especially when it comes to the fact that we are attracted to who we are attracted to. The choice is not always a part of the attraction. When they say, "God made them this way," and they are referring to sex or the want of a same-sex relationship, I think they are confusing attraction with their want to have sex with the same sex, which then becomes a lustful evil. Again, attraction and lust are different.
One of the arguments concerning the sexual orientation of humans is that "we should be allowed to have sex with consenting humans that we are attracted to" As a follower of Jesus, I believe that is straight-up wrong. Our attraction toward other humans does not give us an ethical code that allows us to have sex with them. The privilege of having sex with other humans comes from the creator of the humans and his plan and purpose for that. It's God's rules, not whatever our human conditioning (physically and emotionally) has done to us sexually.
Lastly, for those of us in the Church that find the same sex attractive, we want Godly, biblical, healthy, same-sex intimacy. Jesus grants us that blessing in his New Covenant, and the Church is obligated to meet that. We are not lusting. We are just simply longing for intimacy. We want to know those we are attracted to physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We also want to know others to whom we are not attracted. We want to know them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We want to be touched and hugged.
We want to spend time with you guys and look into your eyes, and hear your heart concerning whatever passions you have in life. We want to engage in spiritual brotherhood and sisterhood. We want to know you physically. We may be attracted to your body, but that does not mean we lust after you. We want to play sports with you guys and hit the showers. Go skinny dipping or streaking. We want to have pillow talk with you. Or go get drinks and utter nonsense. We just want to be one of the guys. We are simply Christians attracted to the same sex. And we want to love those in the Church in the godliest, healthy, intimate ways we can, which is through deep friendship.
Christians who are attracted to the same sex want to love the Church.
The way Christ loves the Church.
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