Today I was presented with a friendship between two dudes I know that caused great joy and pain in my heart. It brought great joy because I value friendship to the degree I find other Christians don't. Seeing best friendships naturally occur and have excellent fruit gives me hope that my idea of friendship is accurate. But it also causes great pain because I long for a "best friendship" that can last years. And for many reasons, I can't handle that type of friendship, or the expectations I have for it are not the same standards most men want in their friendships. But today is about the friendship I saw, and I want to encourage others to have that type of friendship within the Church to benefit the Church.
I am not too close to the guys I am talking about. However, I have spent some time hearing them talk about their best friendship and some incredible stories about their friendship with others. And honestly, scroll through their Instagram account, and you will see how great this friendship is. It is full of affectionate posts towards each other. It is awesome!
These two guys grew up together and have played soccer since they were 8. In their pictures, they are either hugging, carrying, doing something fun, laughing, or saying very affectionate comments about their love for each other. They always write, "My main man, best friend, brother, I miss you, I have been with this kid forever, etc." Apparently, in their senior year, they won "BEST FRIENDS FOREVER."
One of the guys' most recent posts on Instagram said this,
"Laying on the beach in December with my day one. Ten months ago, I got selfish and flew up to Washington to bring you down to Biola so that I could play one more year with you. I wanted to end my last college season by playing with the best friend I've ever had."
The comments under the picture and caption were funny. Friends pointed out their friendship was better than the Twilight love story, and another wrote "#relationshipgoals." This friendship is sweet, and I pray to God that it never ends. If any transgression occurs, I hope there is an endless amount of forgiveness.
What I find interesting about social media is that most people like posting pictures of themselves with friends, family and what their community looks like, especially around the Holidays. Some ideas exist that if your photos look fun and happy, your life is excellent. There are many blogs about this type of false reality. However, I am most intrigued about whether people posting these pictures have deep, committed communities and long-lasting friends. Do people have friends that will stay loyal and back them up when the time is right? Or do they post this stuff to feel good for the time being?
In one of my favorite movies, Good Will Hunting, there is a scene in which the math professor is asking a therapist why this extremely smart person hangout with these low-life losers, "retarded gorillas?" The therapist responds, "Because anyone of them if he asks them to, will take a fuckin bat to your head. That's called loyalty."
How many of us want that?
Loyalty
When I was at a soccer game where these two dudes I am talking about were playing, there was a little scuffle. I saw someone from the other team push one of the friends, and the other friend stepped in right away to defend him and was even ready to fight. The goalie grabbed the heated friend (they were on the same team), that stepped in to calm him down. It was a pretty cool scene. The next day I met the goalie at the Church I attended, and we talked about the game that had occurred the night before. We talked about the scuffle that broke out, and the goalie said, "When I saw 'so and so' get pushed and 'so and so' was there, I grabbed him because I knew he would get furious and want to fight the other team or something. You don't mess with his other half." I thought it was awesome. That is a sweet and loyal friendship right there.
Many of us want this type of loyalty. We want someone to back us up, be there for us, and show us affectionate time, touch, transparency, and teamwork. We want these friendships, but many try to find this loyalty in a marriage instead of friendships. Especially with Christian conservatives and gay communities arguing about what marriage should be and how it is the most important relationship a human will have, it makes sense that there will be few people searching and staying committed to life long friendships. Besides, best friendships don't offer sex, which is an upset for us pleasure seekers. I get sad when best friendships/friendships are put at a lower level when it comes to relationships humans can have with each other. Here is what Justice Kennedy said about marriage this past summer when he ruled in favor of gay marriage legalization.
"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were,"- Justice Kennedy
If this statement is true, friendship cannot be as profound as marriage.
If this statement is true, friendship cannot keep up with the ideals of the highest love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In a marriage, two people become something greater than they were.
For the record, friendship can do all of this! If you are a Christian and believe what Justice Kennedy said, I would question your wisdom and knowledge of the Church community and how Jesus Christ wants it to be.
Friendship is a fantastic form of love, devotion, fidelity, and sacrifice. It is a beautiful human relationship. You can live with each other, give each other haircuts, spend much time together, back each other up, and confidently say you know your friend will get a bat and hit someone in the head if you ask them to do it. Please, Christian, pursue it.
My two friends, I am talking about always call each other friend/brother, other half, etc. They have something very few have and are lucky to have. I hope that many can have this. I want this. And Church, if you're going to help those who struggle with homosexuality, give them deep, loyal, committed, lifelong friendship. It starts with this. And I mean lifelong.
If you were to ask most of my friends who are gay or who struggle with homosexuality if they would want a best friend or someone who is always there for them, calling them brother, other half, family, etc., they would say yes in a heartbeat. Besides, isn't that what gay people want when it comes to marriage? Someone to live life with? Deep, lifelong friendship would meet the intense longing for loyalty that all humans long for.
Lifelong friendship is beautiful. Give it a try.
And if you have a best friend, don't ever replace it or be reckless with it. You may not know how life-giving it is for you until you lose it. Most people don't have friends like that, so they try to find it in their spouse and then end up being too needy in their marriage, which can mess things up. Keep your friends, love them, give them your time, give them your physical touch, and give them transparency and teamwork. Point them to Jesus and help them live a life for Jesus.
Love your FRIENDS the way Christ loved the Church.
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